FIC - All my squicks - pettybureaucrat

A little drabble in response to shocolate's squick list.

D'you like my squicks in a fic thing sign-up...
unexpected bodily fluids during sex, Harry/Hermione, graphic torture, OOC!Ron, Slytherins, first time fics including the words 'oh, baby, you are so wet for me' or simultaneous climaxes from penetrative intercourse, unexpected small Malfoys in epilogue compliant fic (how many Ron/Hermiones have been ruined, for me, by a 'humourous' Rose/Scorpius ruining Ron's life?), Slytherins, Hermione having shiny ringlets, Slytherins (and this includes Scorpius... don't rub him all over Rose and claim he's a Hufflepuff...), the word 'mione', Slytherins


Title: All my Squicks
Rating: R



“Oh, Baby!” Harry gasped, “You’re so wet for me!”

“Yeah,” Hermione cooed as Harry ‘popped her cherry.’ “Oh, gods, yes! I’m cumming!”

“ME, TOO!” Harry cried as her joy juice flowed from her, soaking his cock and the linens.

Hermione sighed, shaking her shiny ringlets, “I’m so happy you’re my first, Harry, not that drunken, abusive Ronald Weasley!”

“Oh, shite!” Hermione wept. “We forgot protection!”

Nine months later, Rose was born, all red hair and green eyes.

“She’ll break the heart of every wizard at Hogwarts, Mione,” Harry sighed.

Thirteen years later, Rose stomped into her parents’ bedroom, groaning as her father wiped her mother’s joy juice from his lips.

“Who’s your friend, Rose?” Harry asked, looking at the bruised, bedraggled, skinny blond Slytherin wizard.

“This is Scorpius Malfoy and I love him and we’ve already had sex!” Rose stated.

“She graphically tortured me into doing it, don’t kill me!” Scorpius sniveled.

“Typical Slytherin,” Hermione snorted. “Good going, Rose! Did you remember protection?”

“OOPS!”